


For You

by xXAnaloceitXx



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Intrusive Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:20:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24122737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXAnaloceitXx/pseuds/xXAnaloceitXx
Summary: Remus just wants the others to accept him
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders & Deceit Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

Remus laid on his bed staring at the ceiling. He had felt the summon but ignored it, he knew they didn't really want him around. He sighed when he felt it again, sinking out and popping up in Thomas' living room with a smile plastered on his face. 

"That's the second time I had to call you, is everything ok?" Thomas asked. 

Remus nodded and saw Janus give him a look. He hadn't noticed Janus standing there until then. He gave a small shake of his head to him and Janus gave him a small nod. The thoughts had been awful recently because he had been trying to let up on his influence on Thomas. He thought if he could let up enough that maybe he would be accepted like everyone else. 

Thomas began running through whatever problem he was having and Remus tried to listen. He zoned out as so many intrusive thoughts went through his head. What would it feel like to jump out of a moving car? What about putting your hand on the stove? That would hurt but how bad? What about jumping off the roof of this building? It wasn't that high so would you just get hurt or is it high enough that it would still kill you?

"Remus?"

He was pulled from his thoughts by Patton. He tilted his head in confusion. He really should have been paying attention.

"Sorry, Pat. Kinda zoned out. What's up?"

Patton explained the problem again and he nodded. He then agreed with Roman's solution, his input wasn't really needed here. He wasn't sure why he was here. After they decided on what to do, Remus was the first to sink out and land on his bed. He heard a knock and he got up, opening the door to see Janus on the other side. 

"How bad?"

Remus shrugged and collapsed on his bed. He shoved his face into a pillow and sighed. He felt a hand rub up and down his back. He relaxed a little. 

"Just what if I dislocated something and never put it back? Would that eventually kill me or would it just be really inconvenient? Would it still work or would it just be limp?"

He heard a sigh and clamped his mouth shut. He knew it was a bad idea to tell Janus the thoughts in his head. 

"Remus, you misunderstand the sigh. I am not annoyed or whatever you think, I am simply upset that you have to deal with this. That you feel you need to tone it down to be accepted"

"But they hate it! I have to let up and tone it down so that Thomas will accept me so I can be with the rest of you. I just want to be with everyone and be accepted"

"I know you do. But they need to accept you for you, not the version of you that you think they want"

Remus let out a sigh and groaned into the pillow. He knew that, but also knew that they wouldn’t accept him for him. Janus let out another sigh before flipping Remus onto his back. He laid next to him on the bed and wrapped him up in his arms. Remus laid his head on his chest. The thoughts started running wild again. 

“What would it feel like to be electrocuted? Like what if you actually did put a toaster in the bathtub with you?”

They heard a knock on the door and Remus jumped, snapping his mouth shut. Janus got up and opened the door, to see Patton standing there. Roman, Logan, and Virgil were behind him. They don’t normally come over to the dark side, they had never been to Remus’ room, how did they know where it was? 

“How did you know where his room was?”

Virgil gave a slight wave before putting his headphones back on. That’s right, Thomas had a party that he and Joan were going to tonight. Remus almost groaned at the memory, but caught it before it left his mouth. He placed his face back in the pillow and listened to the rest of the conversation. 

“What’s up?”

“We were coming to find you two, Thomas and Joan are about to go to the party. We wanted to know if you wanted to spend the time in the living room with us?”

Remus could feel Janus’ eyes on him and he let out a sigh. He gave a thumbs up, pushing himself up and walking with the others to the living room. He sat on the couch and focused on keeping his influence to a minimum. Janus sat next to him and placed a hand on his knee, his other hand grabbing one of Remus’. Remus squeezed his hand and got a squeeze in return. 

The party had been going fine, They could all feel Thomas getting tired of it and knew they would be leaving soon. Virgil was curled up in a corner, headphones on and hood over his face. Logan and Patton were sitting on the other side of Janus and Roman was dancing around the living room. 

What if someone attacked Thomas? Would they break bones or try to kill him? What does a broken bone feel like? Would anyone come to rescue him or would he have to fight for himself? Does Thomas even know how to fight? 

Remus squeezed Janus’ hand and got a squeeze in return. He looked at Janus and saw the concerned look on his face. Remus was ready to leave and just sleep, he needed to let the thoughts out but he knew it would ruin everything. So many thoughts were running through his head and he grit his teeth. They were going to stay in his head, that’s where they needed to stay. 

“Remus, stop that” Janus whispered to him. 

Remus laid his head on Janus’ shoulder, the hand that was on his knee moved to run through his hair. Remus let out a sigh and noticed that Thomas was walking to Joan’s car now. Good, he just had to wait until Thomas got home and then he could go back to his room and scream into a pillow. 

They could get in a wreck, and again, what does a broken bone feel like? Had Thomas ever been in an ambulance before? But if they got in a wreck Joan would be hurt too.

Remus placed his free hand over his mouth. They needed to stay in his head. He’d been doing so well. Janus turned and pulled Remus into an embrace. Remus buried his face in Janus’ chest. 

“It’s ok. Just a little longer” Janus whispered. 

Remus nodded, the thoughts getting worse and more frequent. He whimpered and Janus held him tighter. He was now thinking about what it would feel like to break a bone. It would hurt of course, but how bad, and would it be worse if the bone broke enough to break through the skin. Thomas was still in the car with Joan. He should -

“- jump out of the moving car” Remus blurted, not realizing he had moved his hand from his mouth. 

He slapped his hand back to his mouth and looked around in panic. Logan just glanced at him before focusing on Thomas again, Virgil was in his own world, Roman gave him a disappointed look and Patton looked at him in shock. Janus held him as tight as he could shielding him from the looks. He had already seen them so it didn’t matter. 

They all focused on Thomas and made sure he got home safe. Once he was in bed and asleep they all sat down, relaxing. Remus went to go to his room, but was stopped by a hand on his wrist. He looked to see that it was Patton who had grabbed him. Here it was. 

“Remus, you’ve been doing very well at keeping the intrusive thoughts to yourself, and at lessening your influence on Thomas, but I feel like you’re hurting yourself by doing that. Like that was the first intrusive thought I’ve heard out of your mouth in like a month” 

Remus nodded. 

“We accept you, for you. We’re working on getting Thomas to do the same. Just please, stop hurting yourself. If you need to let them out then please do”

“Repression is very harmful” Logan chimed in. 

Remus glanced at Virgil who shrugged before sinking out. He then glanced at Roman, he knew what Roman thought about his version of creativity. 

“You’re my brother, Remus, of course I accept you”

Remus gave him a shocked look. He sat back down, looking around at everyone. He couldn’t believe they were actually saying they accepted him for him. 

“I plan on talking to Thomas about the issue again tomorrow” Logan said. 

Remus nodded laying his head on Janus’ shoulder again. Janus sunk them out to his room, both of them landing on the bed. Remus laid his head on Janus’ chest and let his eyes close. Janus ran a hand through his hair. Remus still felt like screaming into a pillow, but wouldn’t. 

“Remus, you’re very tense. What do you need?”

“To scream into a pillow”

“Do it” Janus said, handing him a pillow. 

Remus shoved his face into the pillow and screamed. He screamed until his throat was raw, before whacking Janus with the pillow, letting out a little laugh. Janus laughed as well as Remus laid his head on his chest again. He closed his eyes and let sleep take him.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus woke when he felt the summon. He almost let out a groan until he remembered that Janus was still sleeping. He pushed himself up and out of bed, sinking out and popping up in Thomas’ living room. He rubbed his eyes and yawned, trying to wake up enough to deal with whatever Thomas needed him for. 

He looked and saw both Logan and Thomas in their usual spots. He noticed that he was in Roman’s spot. He gave them a confused look. 

“Logan told me about last night”

Remus felt his heart drop. This is where Thomas told him that despite all his hard work he would never be accepted. He was the evil twin after all. He kept his breathing steady and nodded for Thomas to continue. Thomas let out a sigh and looked to Logan, getting a nod. 

“I realize that I have not been fair to you”

Remus felt his eyes widen.

“Have you really been hurting yourself just so you can be accepted?”

Remus dropped his gaze to the floor before nodding. He suddenly felt arms around him and looked up to see Thomas hugging him. He wrapped his arms around Thomas and returned the hug. 

“Please, for the love of all that is good, stop that”

Remus shook his head. He couldn’t, if he wanted to be accepted he had to tone it down. Everyone liked him better when he wasn’t spouting the nonsense and filth that filled his head. Thomas pulled away and looked him in the eyes. 

“You’re hurting yourself and that’s not healthy. I accept you for you, no matter what comes out of your mouth or goes on in your head. You are a part of me and I understand that now”

Remus’ jaw dropped and he was speechless. For once his head was quiet, nothing going through it. He didn’t know what to say and didn’t want to say anything and ruin this. 

“So can you promise me that you’ll stop hurting yourself? Promise me that you’ll just be you and try to understand that we accept you for you?”

Remus nodded and felt the tears gather in his eyes. He wouldn’t cry in front of Thomas. He wouldn’t. He would wait until he got back to his room. Thomas gave him a smile and hugged him again. Remus returned the hug and felt the tears fall down his cheeks. He tried to get them to stop but they wouldn’t. He choked back a sob, releasing Thomas with the intention of sinking out. Thomas grabbed his wrist before he could, causing Remus to look him in the eyes. 

“It’s ok to cry. It’s ok to be emotional”

Remus let out a sob and pulled Thomas into another hug. He felt Thomas wrap his arms around him. He then felt himself be led to the couch where they sat and hugged as Remus continued to cry. Once his sobs had died down to sniffles and hiccups, they pulled away. Remus wiped his eyes and face on his sleeve. 

“I’m going to be better about getting everyone’s input on decisions, including yours”

Remus nodded and gave him a smile. 

“I also want to be better about being there for everyone including you and Janus”

Remus nodded again. Maybe things were going to be better. 

“Alright, I’ll let you go now. Just, if things get bad please talk to someone. I’m here if you need me as well as everyone else”

“I will”

Thomas gave him a smile and he sank out, popping up in his room. He looked around and found it empty. He called for Janus and he popped up with a confused look. Remus smiled at him, running up and hugging him. He felt Janus return the hug after a second. He pulled away and looked at Janus. He wondered if this meant his room had been moved since Thomas accepted him now.

He walked over to the door and opened it. When he looked out into the hall he saw the yellow and purple doors of Janus and Virgil’s rooms. He felt tears run down his face again and his smile grew wider. He turned back around to see a shocked Janus and laughed as more tears ran down his cheeks. 

“Thomas accepted you?” Janus asked in awe. 

Remus nodded, the biggest smile on his face. He wiped the tears away, but the smile stayed. Janus walked up and wrapped him in a hug. Remus returned the hug. He heard someone in the hallway and turned around to see Patton and Roman. They stopped when they noticed the new door and saw whose room it was. Patton let out a happy squeal and Roman smiled back at Remus. Virgil poked his head out after he heard Patton’s squeal, seeing Remus’ door and smiling before going back to his room. Logan then appeared in the hallway, a small smile gracing his face. 

“Welcome, brother”

Remus felt more tears gather in his eyes. He fought them, he was never one to cry, letalone this much. He wiped them away as they fell and continued to smile. He had been accepted and he was over here with everyone else now. Everything would be ok.


End file.
